Our Resting Place, Cassie's Blog: June 2012

How do I deal with anxiety? I could never be like Jesus, asleep in the boat when there is a crazy storm. I wish I could say I was like David who could sleep soundly even while Saul was pursuing him to kill him.

My natural tendency is to stress out, asks for prayer before I really have gone to the Lord, talk to my husband who is a great listener, talk to a friend, go running. I seldom reach for a glass of wine because alcohol is a depressant and messes up sleep. I've never taken any medication for anxiety and I'm not 100% against it. I've been tempted in times of extremely difficult trials to just go into the doc and ask for a temporary supply of something, to get over a hurdle, like when Chris was a pastor and he was having a difficult time, or when my mom was dying. But all this, while not bad, represents a heart that is not quiet.

I've been taught that I need to draw near to the Lord even though stressing out and worrying feels natural. Even if I reached for a temporary fix, I'd still have draw near to the Lord. We really don't have a choice if you think about it. But it is a blessing to know that the One Who is sovereign and created it all has a good purpose in all these trials; and one of those purposes is to know Him more and to be more transformed. Wow. That is better than having a perfect stress-free life.

I look to David who used these times to draw near to Him because that is what He wants us to do. These are great times to draw near to Him.

So, what am I anxious about. There are several things that I'm anxious about to varying degrees, but when you add it all up, it is a lot. Going to a foreign country and adopting is exciting, but makes me a little anxious. I remember holding Anton in the airport and trying to carry luggage and catch a flight out of London that we were about to miss. What about my age. I'm 48. Even though Chris and I feel pretty young for our ages, we'll be getting up there in years when our kids graduate from school. What about retirement? Should I ever go back to work? Will I really be able to homeschool these kids adequately and be humble enough to change course if need be? What about Chris and his career goals and his health and happiness. There must a litter of puppies (probably coyotes), in the thick brush behind our house. Do I need to rescue them? or throw some food over the fence? They howl whenever a siren goes by. What about my grandmother. What is God calling me to do to help her? This last one wakes me up at night, and why I'm writing this blog at 4:32 AM.

So, I memorized word perfect Psalm 23 tonight, finally. I've been a Christian over 24 years and I have never quite nailed it. I skip verses and butcher it. 3 year olds know this Psalm! I'm trying to get Anton to memorize it.

Anton and I have a some music that is KJV. I don't really like the thy's and thou's, eth's and est's but it seems to flow and poetic.

Here it is without looking:

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, He leadeth me beside the still waters; He restoreth my soul.
H leadeth me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me.
Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemy, Thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Now to check my work: Cool, I did pretty well, just missed some punctuation, things like that.

trick: I memorized: "maketh, leadeth, restoreth, leadeth" (just those 4 words in that order and that cued me :O) And then "preparest, anointest, runneth." and the rest is home free. Here is a lovely song I found, it isn't the one Anton and I listen to, both are very good.