Great Call!

As per my previous post, we spoke to our international pediatrician this AM, with hubby, on a phone conference.  It was a great "call" to do this, as recommended by our social worker.  (We were wondering if that was a wise use of our money.)  And, it was a great phone call.  It was supposed to be 1 1/2 hours but we spoke for 2 hours!  It was exhausting toward the end and we really appreciate her attentiveness and thoroughness, and ability to ask any questions we had. 

I really thought the conversation would cause us to go more conservative with more "no"s on our new Special Needs form.  But it actually encouraged us more to put more "yes"es and "maybe"s.  And with the "maybe"s we will put an explanation so they understand what would induce us to say "yes" or "no" difinitively (since some of these conditions are not descriptive enough about severity, or cause...I'm sure there is a more "medical" way to put that, "pathology" might be the right word :O)   So, this is a better way to communicate our apprehensions so they'll know who we are. 

We were told originally to try to avoid "maybe" answers.  I can see why that is, because it is so vague.  But I think it better to say that "yes" answers will open us up to more possibilities and a "maybe" answer allows us opportunity to explain.  So, we're not staying away from "maybe"s as originally told. 

There are some deformities that are actually not indicative of a more serious syndrome, or progressive condition.  These conditions can be treated a lot of the times and the child can live incredibly productive lives (and isn't it amazing now sometimes a handicap can help one succeed more in other areas of life, although they may not make an Olympic team).   It was so helpful to get an idea of these.  And other conditions that I thought are pretty innocuous are actually indicative of something more serious. 

At first my thoughts were, "Why discuss, and pay for consultation on a multiple of hypotheticals we could adopt, can't we just say that we want a child who can live independently as adult eventually and trust that we'll be represented."  Why can't we just put that in a summary sentence?  But for the non-medically trained folks there, this list helps guide them. 

Ultimately, I feel really good about it because, pre-referral, we're opening up our possibilities to a child who was taken to the orphanage because they had some deformity, when actually the condition is minor.  It was probably ignorance, fear and/or inability to help the imperfect child that brought them to the orphanage.  What an opportunity!

I already felt comfortable that the doctor would help us after the referral, because we will still request overview of the child(ren) when we get our next referral. 

So, what dawned on me today, is, not how could I prevent ourselves from being emotionally drained from another referral that we have to decline, although that is true, but opening up our window a little broader.  And that is a great feeling to be able to find those children who might passed over by other adoptive parents because they had the same fear their biological parents had, and didn't understand that some of these things can be corrected with a simple surgery or prosthetic.  This has been the highlight and joy of my day today.  And that Chris and I are like-minded. 

Understanding can alleviate fears.  And there were so many conditions that scared us before, but we're not now. 

We asked if the country or agency frowns upon the adoptive parents if they have to decline, or make several declines.  She said that she feels if there is a good medical reason for the decline, that is absolutely fine.

So, now I need to come up with our final list that Chris and I will finalize tonight.  Busy day.  Hope to clean out the garage too.