Great Call!

As per my previous post, we spoke to our international pediatrician this AM, with hubby, on a phone conference.  It was a great "call" to do this, as recommended by our social worker.  (We were wondering if that was a wise use of our money.)  And, it was a great phone call.  It was supposed to be 1 1/2 hours but we spoke for 2 hours!  It was exhausting toward the end and we really appreciate her attentiveness and thoroughness, and ability to ask any questions we had. 

I really thought the conversation would cause us to go more conservative with more "no"s on our new Special Needs form.  But it actually encouraged us more to put more "yes"es and "maybe"s.  And with the "maybe"s we will put an explanation so they understand what would induce us to say "yes" or "no" difinitively (since some of these conditions are not descriptive enough about severity, or cause...I'm sure there is a more "medical" way to put that, "pathology" might be the right word :O)   So, this is a better way to communicate our apprehensions so they'll know who we are. 

We were told originally to try to avoid "maybe" answers.  I can see why that is, because it is so vague.  But I think it better to say that "yes" answers will open us up to more possibilities and a "maybe" answer allows us opportunity to explain.  So, we're not staying away from "maybe"s as originally told. 

There are some deformities that are actually not indicative of a more serious syndrome, or progressive condition.  These conditions can be treated a lot of the times and the child can live incredibly productive lives (and isn't it amazing now sometimes a handicap can help one succeed more in other areas of life, although they may not make an Olympic team).   It was so helpful to get an idea of these.  And other conditions that I thought are pretty innocuous are actually indicative of something more serious. 

At first my thoughts were, "Why discuss, and pay for consultation on a multiple of hypotheticals we could adopt, can't we just say that we want a child who can live independently as adult eventually and trust that we'll be represented."  Why can't we just put that in a summary sentence?  But for the non-medically trained folks there, this list helps guide them. 

Ultimately, I feel really good about it because, pre-referral, we're opening up our possibilities to a child who was taken to the orphanage because they had some deformity, when actually the condition is minor.  It was probably ignorance, fear and/or inability to help the imperfect child that brought them to the orphanage.  What an opportunity!

I already felt comfortable that the doctor would help us after the referral, because we will still request overview of the child(ren) when we get our next referral. 

So, what dawned on me today, is, not how could I prevent ourselves from being emotionally drained from another referral that we have to decline, although that is true, but opening up our window a little broader.  And that is a great feeling to be able to find those children who might passed over by other adoptive parents because they had the same fear their biological parents had, and didn't understand that some of these things can be corrected with a simple surgery or prosthetic.  This has been the highlight and joy of my day today.  And that Chris and I are like-minded. 

Understanding can alleviate fears.  And there were so many conditions that scared us before, but we're not now. 

We asked if the country or agency frowns upon the adoptive parents if they have to decline, or make several declines.  She said that she feels if there is a good medical reason for the decline, that is absolutely fine.

So, now I need to come up with our final list that Chris and I will finalize tonight.  Busy day.  Hope to clean out the garage too.

Re-doing our Special Needs List

As I mentioned in my earlier post, Referral Blues, we received 2 referrals for 2 sets of siblings. In summary: the first sibling referral was never "official" even though we received paperwork and pictures (and we didn't understand that at the time) and we said "yes" enthusiastically and then while waiting for our travel date, it was officially taken away from us and our hearts were broken.   We then immediately received another referral (that was official) for another set of siblings and we began to bond with them through pictures and videos, but they were too high risk for us to accept and outside of the parameters.  One of them had an extreme small head size and the doctor was almost 100% certain he has mental retardation. The difficult thing is sometimes these children end up OK, but we have to go by what the doctor say and not by great stories we hear on the internet of those who proceeded anyways and the doctors were proved wrong.  I've been struggling with wondering...  but I'm also reminded to trust the guidance of my husband and just see these 2 as not the right choice for us.

I'm trying to be a "big girl" and accept this process with the heartaches as part of the mission we're on the rescue the right children God has for us. I've been communicating with others since my post who have had to decline and they have shared their experiences.

Our Social Worker says re-doing our Special Needs list will help. I think our older list communicated well enough. So, I'm not exactly sure what is wrong with our old list and how to do the new list.   On one hand, you don't want to be too strict with what we'll accept.  God's child for us could have some severe delays, or a deformity and could be just fine.  If we mark "no" on anything that could possibly be a sign of mental retardation or serious illness in order to prevent a high risk referral, we could shut the door on blessing a child we could certainly handle.  So, we long to be more than a piece of paper.   (And can you really expect a document to "work"?)  Another thing our social worker suggested was discussing the Special Needs list with an International Doctor. And we have made a phone appointment for that for 10:00 AM Monday.   I think we'll be glad we did and maybe I'll have more confidence in our list, and we can only hope that it communicates better for us.

But in this process, I'm learning, you should not be surprised if referrals are made outside the parameters given, because 1) there is a desire to move these children into homes and they may push some boundaries you have set, and 2) they're not medically trained and we shouldn't expect them to be.  So, the process is far from perfect.  But I am not perfect.  There is only One who is.

great website for adoption and nutrition...

but would be good for childraising in general also.  http://adoptionnutrition.org/

Anton Rides a Bike!

beautiful Hershey Park that hooks up to a bike trail along the bayou

Chris is finding out one of his good friends will be working with him at his job. 

it was a truly glorious

we're still learning how to use breaks going downhill so the bridge was a little scary.

spider webs on the bridge

taking a break after a big wipe out

Homeschooling Benefits for Children from Orphanages

Many of you already know that we homeschool our son, Anton.  I wanted to blog about the reasons why we homeschool, and the particular benefits for children from institutionalized background, as I see it from my experience. 

Homeschooling is a luxury and I know it may not be possible or the right choice for every family.  I know if we were not able to Homeschool, it would obviously not be God's direction, and hence, God's best for us would be a different path.  

We don't think parents are making a mistake, necessarily, if they put their child in public school...although they could be. And, they could make a mistake in putting their child in the wrong Private School, or perhaps Homeschool isn't really for the family's giftedness and constraints. So, we're not "one-size-fits-all," in our philosophy of education.

But our goals for raising and training Anton are more than learning letters and numbers.  Parents looking to adopt, or have already adopted a child, especially understand the need to be bonded with all our children no matter how we got them, and to be unified as a family.  We did not give birth to our adopted child, or breastfeed, or have those precious moments with them as an infant.  We sometimes adopt when they are much older.  Adoption by definition is taking a child that is originally not from you, but they become a part of your family as if they were.  So, there needs be that precious bonding, and developing of those relationships.   Homeschooling is perfect for this.  We can play catch-up for what we missed by choosing the homeschool education avenue that centers on the family as opposed to another "institution," be it public or private. 

Isn't it is so great to be free to do what best serves our own family!  Praise God for our country and state.  Not everywhere affords this liberty.

There have been tons of great articles about the advantages of Homeschooling, and I don't want to repeat those.  I just wanted to give a brief list of reasons why we chose to homeschool and emphasizing the benefits to a child from institutionalized background who is a member of our family.

1.  I can better build into Anton's soul.   Not only do we teach the Bible, and that is our first subject we cover during the day, but I can direct Anton to Worship God in EVERYTHING we do.

I can work on character and discipline issues better if I spend more time with Anton, rather than less because he's been at school all day. Even the best of the teachers do not have time to work on each of their children's character and discipline in the classroom, nor are they the best person to do that.   He would be gone from 8:00 AM. to about 4:30 PM.   I would not have his best waking hours to enjoy him, to teach him, and he would not be enjoying his family and home.   I would have to use the evening to get him ready for another day at school. 

Soul building and care is what parenting is all about, and education is very broad term for me.  Actually, all the following points also fall under #1 because it is so ultimate and broad; it is all about their souls.

2.  It strengthens family bonds and family identity.  We can curl up and read a book together.  We can play games, or build something, clean the house together, go to grocery store together.  He loves experiencing life and I'm so happy to be alongside to watch him discover things.  My husband works different hours than most Pappas, and he gets a day off during the week, and so, Anton can be with us on Pappa's day off.  

When Anton thinks "Who am I?"  he doesn't think of who he is in the classroom pecking order, perhaps the one who is the last to "get it," or the "one who talks funny" or "the class clown" (and that would be Anton!)  It is not that I'm afraid of him being teased.  I just want his identity to be seen accurately, that he is created in God's image, he is precious, and placed in our family, appreciated for his strengths, and loved in spite of his weaknesses.   My husband often says, "we have a sweet family" and we do!

Anton is dressed up as fireman making some firehouse food.

3.  I can move at Anton's pace and his best learning style that could be faster or slower than the school's pace, depending on the subject.   Anton is behind in language, as is common for children who come from other countries and had difficult start in life, and homeschooling has been a huge blessing for this.  Because we never planned in enrolling him in school, getting caught up on language didn't have to be a priority, with multiple therapists, or being placed on a standardized timeline for where he should be for his age.  He is and was exactly where he should be for Anton.  I knew his language would improve as time went on and he learned his Phonics ("Intensive Phonics" I might add!) and began to write his own sentences and viola, that is exactly what happened. 

We can also use different learning styles, in general, and experiment.  Anton is imaginitive, artisitc, and very active.  Leaning can be through playing, as opposed to sitting at a desk.  And we can take breaks when we want to burn some of that boy energy.

Striving to make learning "fun" is to develop a lifetime lover of learning.

Anton dressed as Roman soldier.  We were learning
our numbers using playing cards.

We don't know what the future holds.  We may one day put Anton in public or private school.  Equipping Anton with a healthy and happy Christian Worldview as soon as possible will prepare him best for this world, where he will inevitably encounter bad influences and bad information.  I wish I could protect him from all that but I can't.  We can do what we can, with God's help, in this little crucible of our family in the precious little time we have.   We hope to raise him to "be in the world, but not of the world." and Lord willing, successful in whatever the Lord directs, but most of all to love the Lord with all his heart, mind, soul and strength. He is such a blessing. 

What about socialization?  Anton is so sociable and has so many friends he has made at Church, Sports Teams, Scouts and in the neighborhood.  In fact, now, I am thinking we need to cut back on so many activities away from the home.  He is definitely not sheltered or unsocialized.  He probably is a little spoiled, but I prefer to consider him "well loved."

Actually, I'm being Homeschooled too, being a mamma and teacher.  In our studies, I get to re-learn what I once knew, or learn what I should have learned a long time ago but didn't because the schools didn't teach it.  I particularly love History.  We use Tapestry of Grace.  We're on Year 1 now, and I have to say I love Ancient History in particular.  It is so fascinating.  When you Homeschool, you get to go back to school!  God is growing all of us. 

So, I hope this encourages you to consider Homeschooling as a choice for you.  I'll post later what curriculum we use at present.

My Bread Making Gig

First, a few disclaimers.  I'm not at all like Martha Stewart or Paula Deen, etc., experimenting with different recipes all the time (but I like to collect recipes).  I don't even really like to cook "a lot," due to the time it takes and mess.  And, I'm not a total health nut or a "no nukes" type that drives a VW van :O).  I'm just a regular gal who eats hamburgers and ice cream, on-sale Easter candy... 

But some things in life don't make sense at all, and to me, that is buying already packaged ground up flour at the grocery store. 

Many have tried making bread at home and that seems good enough, right?  And it IS good.  But I want to give you an overview of my bread-making gig that starts with buying wheat berries in bulk.  It is more healthy, more economical, tastes better and easy and fun.  It's just a win-win all the way around. 

Years ago when I started this, it worked so well for our newly adopted child from institutionalized environment, who needed to develop his appetite.  Anton loved mostly fruits and vegetables, and chocolate milk, thankfully, for protein.  But he still didn't eat much even of the things he liked.   I was also a new mom and I just needed to learn to cook for children, period, and not always what I've made in the past, like Mexican Food or all the casseroles we liked.  I needed something to stir up the olfactory senses.  This worked.  He loves the smell of it baking.  And so does hubby, especially when I load up a pizza for him.

My friends nearby already know I like to make bread and have seen in-home demos from our mutual friend, Paula.  I buy wheat berries in bulk, and have a grain grinder and a powerful mixer/kneader (Bosch), and stainless steel cookware that works great for bread.   I make just a few things from the same basic dough recipe.  Don't let all the different varieties of dough recipes scare you, like you have to get a master's degree in bread-making to do this.  I'm a creature of habit and make the same things over and over again.  One batch of dough can make you about 4 to 5 items.  I make 1 or 2 batches and stock the big freezer and we usually have something in there to eat.  But I still buy store bought bread at times, being as imperfect as I am at planning.  I do my bread-making once or twice a month.

In case you're curious about this hobby and thinking about doing this, I thought I'd write a post.

This picture shows my extra bags of wheat,
just threw it on top shelf of pantry.

Why buy bulk wheat berries and grind at home?

It is really healthy to get away from processed flour, even Whole Wheat ground up gocery store flour lost much of its original nutrition and starting to go rancid (you can smell it).  I think in a perfect world, EVERYONE should have a grinder and buy whole wheat berries from your local grocer because...storing the wheat in the bran, the way it is harvested, is already such an excellent way to keep and store it!  In the bran!  What a novel idea!  What brilliant mind thought of that?   Oh, let me see here...  (church lady voice)   our modern ideas of wheat/flour storage and distribution ideas is another thing mankind screwed up. 

Close your eyes (and still read) and imagine the future, as I see it should be.  The ideal dream kitchen:  marble counter tops, stainless steel appliances if they're still fashionable, with a press of a button, the grain grinder pops up from the counter top...and just about every home has one!  Maybe that will be the way of the future, who knows.  The way it is processed now is just backwards crazy and maybe someday, just like when they figured out that the earth was round, mankind will correct this.  As it is now, the wheat purchased by the mills in its perfect storage form (that will last for years and years), is ground up, packaged and distributed so you can store it for a few months on your shelf.  go figure.  They have to add nutrients back (why you see "enriched flour" on the shelves).  But it can never be the way it was before, the way God intended it to be.  Even Whole Wheat flour, or that Wheat Germ you buy in a glass bottle will get rancid because the wheat berry losts its natural protection, the bran, and the oils breakdown and become rancid, vitamins lost.  You can't add enough stuff back to the flour, or to your dough to make it like it should be.

Recipes:  I'm going to give you link to the great gal who taught me all of this stuff: www.paulasbread.com she has recipes, advice, products, etc. She and her family run this business out of their home in Oklahoma and the nicest folks.    She has no idea I'm promoting her, but I just don't want to re-invent what she has already done on her website. 

Nutrimill Grinder, it is not too loud. 

When I saw Paula do a demo, she ground the wheat berries in the Nutrimill grinder and threw them directly into the Bosch mixer (can you get any fresher?).   But then I thought, "where's the white flour to add, because you can't just use all Whole Wheat, everyone knows that." But I was wrong! All these years I've used my Martha Stewart Whole Wheat Bread recipe...  (She was wrong too.  How could she have missed it?)  When you use the natural whole grain, fresh ground, you don't add white flour!   How elegant is that?   Its so simple.  We have messed things up!. Crazy. What I was doing before is buying good quality ground packaged Whole Wheat flour and White Bread Flour. And the big question was: what is the ratio of Whole Wheat flour to White flour?  50-50, 60-40?  because too much Whole Wheat made the bread too hard.  Not any more sister.

A brief primer on types of wheat:  I buy both Hard White Winter Wheat and Hard Red Winter Wheat.  (But note, Hard White Winter Wheat is not the same as packaged White flour.  Packaged White Bread Flour is made from Hard Winter wheat (red or white) berries but they separate the nutritious wheat germ and the bran and just use the endosperm, so it's fine and white.  All Purpose Flour is made from Spring White Soft Wheat berries, and they remove the wheat germ and bran also.   So, don't let the name "White" confuse you when you describe wheat berries, it doesn't mean "white flour.")

Both of these Winter wheats, Red and White Hard Wheat varieties will make gluten for bread-making.   I also have a bag of Spring White Soft Wheat.  This will not make gluten, but for quick bread textures, when you don't need or want gluten bonds.  (I need to figure out what to make with this, other than a dessert every now and then...but it won't spoil!!  because it is in its original and perfect wheat berry form.


So, I mix the Red and White Hard wheat berries together in the grinder for a soft, yet hearty blend, and it forms the stretchy gluten bonds in the mixer.   (I'm not afraid of gluten.  I love gluten!  Gluten is my friend.  I don't have celiac's disease and neither do most people who say they're allergic, btw, but that's another story and I probably made some of you healthnuts mad with that comment.)   I could choose to use only Red, or, only White wheat berries in my bread recipe and they would both be a soft 100% whole wheat bread but Red would be heartier (and I think a little more nutritious), and the White would be still be nutritious and a little softer.  It is just preference.   I just like the blend.   (My friend Paula prefers to use all White Hard Wheat berries.)  I also add a little ground flax seed (use a coffee grinder for that). I add honey, a mix of coconut oil (because of all the stuff I hear about it for memory ;O) and it adds a nice flavor) and safflower or canola oil, a dough enhancer product... that I think has lecithin in it, SAF quick yeast (don't need to be a hero with the other kind), salt, water. Sometimes for variety, I add potato flakes, or ground up oatmeal flakes in a blender (better to grind "oat groats" in grain grinder though), and sometimes add a little dry milk. This is when I feel like experimenting, but the fun thing is, I just guestimate. You get used to the texture and how to gauge the dough. The Bosch mixer will let you correct a hard lump of dough with adding water or oil, which is nice.  You can add barley, rice, quinoa, oats, as I've mentioned, but just don't add more than 25% of other grains than wheat to your wheat bread or it won't make the gluten.  But Paula's website has the recipes.

this is my Bosch Mixer bowl,
it is powered from the bottom.  I haven't
blended it yet, nor added all the
flour to the dough

I make: loaves of bread (of course), cinnamon rolls, pizza, and pizza roll ups (make just like cinnamon rolls), BBQ roll ups, raisin bread, herb bread, dinner rolls. I've rolled up hot dogs in dough and small cocktail wieners.   I've experimented with various desserts using fresh ground flour (mostly the Soft Spring Wheat.) I want to venture into WW Flour tortillas and other items, but I've been doing the same thing for several years and it is working great.

So, that is a little about my hobby of making bread.

These are my pizza rolls, tomatoe sauce,
sausage, chopped peppers, olives,
... just whatever!

kid tested and approved Canadian Bacon
and pineapple pizza, made with a little
Tilmanook cheddar cheese

Adoption Update - Referral Blues!

We have had some activity with our Bulgarian adoption that I've been waiting to report, that has been both exciting and heart wrenching. I'm learning how different it is adopting from Bulgaria than Russia. I know God has the right child for us, it is getting there that has been a learning experience.

This is a long post because I'm covering a lot of activity.  I also want to say upfront, that even though there are questions, and heartahces, I believe that our agency is pulling for us, and the people that are working for them in Bulgaria, the MOJ (Ministry of Justice) as well.  But there are some lessons along the way, perhaps advice I can pass on to another family.  But there is so much "hope" and things to be thankful for and we know that God is sovereign in all these hiccups even though the ride isn't always fun.

We were called on Mon, Feb 20, that our file had been pulled! (Chris remembers the date because it was 6 years to the day that we got the first call about Anton.)  And Bulgaria wanted a letter from us stating that we are willing to adopt 2!   Well this was pretty exciting news.   Our number was up!  Then, shortly after we scanned and emailed our letter, we received that wonderful "congratulatory" phone call with an email.

We fell in love! these 2 precious ones. They had some medical issues but they mostly needed to thrive in a loving home and "grow." The eye contact they made in the pictures was amazing. They both had such loving and happy looks in their eyes. We ran the medical information by our local pediatrician who is so kind (he didn't even charge us). He cautioned us about their size and delays but we already expect that with orphanage adoption. I had all this done in record speed and by the next AM, our social worker had a "yes" in her email inbox.

The next step was travel date. If you understand adoption, nothing is guaranteed, of course, until the judge approves the adoption on the second trip, but getting a travel date is a huge milestone.   With the assurance that getting the travel date was the next step, I bought 2 little adorable photo albums from Amazon by Gund where you put their picture in the front...so cute.  (when we visited Anton in Russia for 1st time, I made his with the little craft abilities I have, and it wasn't necessarily less expensive and it fell apart before we could bring him home).  I also bought a new chair for a play table we have, before they discontinue the model), that goes with the set we already have (from Land of Nod...has storage bench underneath the table). I got a girly pattern since we were getting a girl. So, all this assurance, and I showed pictures of the precious 2 to my friends at church that I had on my cell phone.

Meanwhile, we get a check in the mail from 2 generous families at our church for $3000!! Since we still need to save or raise about $10,000, this was a huge gift and encouragement.

That next week, we get her dreaded call. "I have some bad news and some good news." Bad news first. We're not getting those precious 2. I was so deflated. Big sigh. The good news was we were matched with another set of siblings, both a boy and girl, but she didn't have any information other than they are not off the special needs list and just recently became available for international adoption.  My son and husband were having a more difficult time than I was in moving on, and again, had I understood the first match wasn't "official" I would have guarded my son in particular, who was looking forward to playing with the children more his age.

Next week, we get more information on these 2 precious ones. I see adorable pictures. The girl is almost 3 and the boy is almost 2. OK, I was hoping the boy would be closer to Anton's age. But that's OK. The medical is a little concerning. Reading about the boy gives me a panic attack because he is not thriving at all. I'm thinking, he's so young, do we really know what his future needs are?

This time, we decided to consult an International Adoption specialist in Minnesota.  The doctor clarified that his headsize is so small, that it most surely means (100%) he has mental retardation.  

Over the last few weeks, I felt the biggest pain for these children in orphanages who don't have families, and are so lonely. They don't know what it is like to wake up to hugs and playfulness, love. They have health issues that need tending as well. I just can't imagine. It was hard to feel sorry for myself and our referral disappointments.  I realized all this distraction has taken me away from my precious son, in our normal routine. I just wanted to be with him and be thankful for what we have. But feeling so guilty because to whom much is given, much is required. It is an overwhelming feeling to be exposed to suffering, and yet, the orphanages should be thought of as a blessing because it is God's provision for them at this time. And they don't understand what they're missing, so they don't feel the loss that we see. But still... you just know God's best and design for all of these children. And I wish we had the family structure to adopt a Special Needs child.  I know there would be tremendous blessing to be able to do that.  It would be ideal if I had some teenagers in the home or family nearby. As it is, it is Anton and me. Chris works long hours. It would be overwhelming. But I wish I could say "yes."

I read in our Bible how Jesus had to pull away from the crowds at times to focus on the twelve.  But he looked on the crowds with compassion, as sheep without a shepherd.  In a similar way, we can't neglect Anton and keep our eye on our mission, but we still have compassion on these 2 who need a special home.

I finally made contact yesterday with our social worker. I wanted to know mostly about timing for the next referral, as I'm starting to direct my thoughts toward planning (could we be traveling next month possibly), and would the medical information I received from my doctors here be passed on the appropriate people in Bulgaria to help him, perhaps make a difference. I was told that we cannot be assured that the MOJ will keep our file on top and it could take months to get another referral basically.   It is still hard to understand why the first 2 were taken away, and the second 2 were considered a better match, even though it is quite a stretch on our parameters we set forth, and Anton would have loved playing with a boy more his age...    These questions will not be answered and I think this is part of the process I have to accept.   

I have learned of a wonderful group email list for Bulgaria, that it is common for families to get referrals that don't match the parameters set forth in the homestudy and special needs list. And also for there to be inaccuracies in the information (in our case, the video and pictures match the medical report).  With Russia, I really felt that there were folks who were getting to know us, and more guarded about making a match that would be painfully declined. With Bulgaria, I'm finding that there are a lot of heart wrenching stories, and it is best to prepare yourself, and don't take that "congratulations" introduction to the referral to heart. Be sober. There is also an emptiness...are we "real" to anyone involved in the decision making process? or am I a piece of paper, listing parameters.  I so long for a friend(s) who can understand, empathize, and can give me good counsel and have reached out to this great email group list (on yahoo).   

Even with the heartaches...also know that in reality, that there are folks who are pulling for us.  Even though the system has flaws, I'm just so thankful there is an avenue that we can help these precious children and the resources are more available for us.  So thankful to our Lord who provides these things, and His love to help these precious children who are made in His image. 

I appreciate your prayers for these children, our journey, and God's direction.