God's Heart for Orphans and Widows, Deuteronomy 24

 Deuteronomy 24 - ESVBible.org

It is amazing how much is in Scripture on orphans and widows (or helpless) and it is so easy to read over.

From today's reading, we shouldn't punish children for the sins of their parents.

"“Fathers shall not be put to death because of their children, nor shall children be put to death because of their fathers. Each one shall be put to death for his own sin.

So, if a child was born under poor circumstances with irresponsible parents, God is saying, "it's not their fault."  

And goes on to speak of we should feel some individual responsibility, that involves a personal material sacrifice, for the sojourner, the fatherless and the widow.   This was written obviously to an agrarian society but the principles are the same.

“You shall not pervert the justice due to the sojourner or to the fatherless, or take a widow's garment in pledge, but you shall remember that you were a slave in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you from there; therefore I command you to do this.
“When you reap your harvest in your field and forget a sheaf in the field, you shall not go back to get it. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. When you beat your olive trees, you shall not go over them again. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow. When you gather the grapes of your vineyard, you shall not strip it afterward. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow. You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt; therefore I command you to do this."

 


'via Blog this'

Adoption thought: Who is like the Lord? Psalm 113

When we read this in the Bible know this is a rhetorical question:  Who is like the Lord?.  Anton is at the age where we can do devotions together.  Of course, I'd really like to find time for myself to do more in-depth study, and I haven't lately.  And I really miss that.  But at least I'm reading and sharing with Anton.  We use D. A. Carson's modified version of M'Cheyne's Reading Plan, as seen here and we try to read 4 chapters a day and talk about it.

In today's reading, I thought of adoption when I read Psalm 113.  Here is a copy/paste from ESV:

Praise the LORD!
Praise, O servants of the LORD,
praise the name of the LORD!
Blessed be the name of the LORD
from this time forth and forevermore!
From the rising of the sun to its setting,
the name of the LORD is to be praised!
The LORD is high above all nations,
and his glory above the heavens!
Who is like the LORD our God,
who is seated on high,
who looks far down
on the heavens and the earth?
He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap,
to make them sit with princes,
with the princes of his people.
He gives the barren woman a home,
making her the joyous mother of children.
Praise the LORD!

(Psalm 113 ESV)

But the last verses.  He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap, to make them sit with princes, with the princes of his people.  He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children.  Praise the LORD!  I also like the imagery of God in heaven looking down and working His sovereignty here on earth.  

I explained what "barren" means just gave Anton and hug and reminded him what a blessing is to us, and that we feel more blessed than he is, but he's blessed too.

"Why don't you adopt domestically?"

This is a question we sometimes get. Or, "Why internationally?" "Why Bulgaria?":

All of our nearest friends are 100% supportive of us adopting internationally. But people just want to know out of curiosity why not adopt domestically?  Occasionally (rarely) you feel the person is critical, wondering if we don't care about our own kids in our own country.  Or they don't understand the costs. And I sometimes find myself asking the same questions, so I don't want to be critical of these folks being critical :O).

In short, we've always been open to many options for adoption.  We signed up to be foster parents while in California, but we moved to Texas before that was completed.  Foreign adoption seems to be the path we've been on and a calling for our lives (for several reasons).

I've posted on this before, but I'll summarize.  We were lead to foreign adoption, at first, because it seemed like it might be easier to adopt abroad than here in the states, in that parents in foreign adoption are matched with a child by an agency, as opposed as a birth mother picking the parents from scrap books provided by the parents (note: I have learned since then, that not all matches are made this way domestically). You just wonder, would a birth mother pick us (we are getting older, and we don't have a ranch or anything like that makes our family stand out among the others)? And then would she change her mind?  Then, in many cases, the adoption isn't complete until a year, and the birth mother could come back for the child.  I don't have the same level of fears or concerns now, as I did then.  But being younger, and perhaps wanting a more normal parenting experience and less risk, this is how we thought.

We also liked the idea of going abroad.  I've always had a heart for the world and cross-culture missions, so foreign adoption was appealing in that sense.  However, we also have a heart for children here, of course, so it isn't so much that one option was good and the other bad, but just that we preferred one way, and then became more knowledgeable, and "in love" about that particular pathway.

I feel now more equipped to handle various circumstances that caused me more fear when I was younger.  I think Chris feels the same way.  All children want to be loved and respond well to love. This is our confidence and He can provide the strength to go through many situations.  As we grow, we give up certain things, and you learn that you can't always control the outcome, but you can love.

So, that is why in a nutshell.

We don't see ourselves as heroes in any way, but just willing to be used as vessels of His love, and not to earn anything.  We are flawed people ourselves and we need grace. We find a lot of joy in our lives, not without struggles, and we feel we have something to share with one, or two more little ones (girls, it seems!) added to our lives.  We will mysteriously become a family, even though we're not related by blood, and those bonds will be stronger than race or culture because this is a "God thing" that lasts forever, a picture of His adoption of us into His family.  Culture and race are not entirely insignificant, these differences can be celebrated, but not nearly as significant as our family bonds we will grow.  

About the cost.  It is quite a bit more than domestic adoption, especially when you figure in travel.  It is funny how people don't blink when we spend this kind of money on a car.  How much more precious is a soul?   Some people think it shouldn't cost at all to adopt.  I am very sympathetic to that view!!  ha ha.  But the people that work in adoption should get paid.  This is why I think giving towards adoption is also a way that all God's people can contribute.

Why Bulgaria?  I guess it could be answered as "Why not Bulgaria?" It was the country our agency suggested.  We have some good friends who are Bulgarian and we feel a connection already with the country.  It is also similar to Russia in many ways and we are familiar with that country.  We are looking forward to learning and experiencing more about Bulgaria, and continuing that interest for a lifetime.

Thanks for reading my post, please pray for our adoption and for the orphans both here and abroad, and including those with severe medical needs that are more difficult to adopt.

We have a travel date!

Lord willing, we will be traveling May 12 - 18.  So, we're excited, but a little nervous.  A lot needs to come together in this time frame.  So, please pray for God to direct everything.   It is about these girls getting a loving home, and not us, I'm so thankful He is in control.

Psalm 82: 3 Give justice to the weak and the fatherless;

maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.

4 Rescue the weak and the needy;

deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”

We're moving forward!!

We just heard back from our doctor and they had the usual concerns for children slightly behind in development but no other real concerns.  So yippeeee!

We are just trusting God to make this happen.  But we are so excited.  Now we need a travel date but I don't expect it to be this month or early May due to holidays and the way things are filling up with our agency in Bulgaria.  We are hoping middle or late May or in June.

We got more pictures today...

...and they look like so much fun, and you can see their personalities.  They are drawing pictures, jumping, laughing, major cuteness. I wasn't expecting more information this quickly.  They are so beautiful.

I'm still waiting get more information and then we'll have a phone call with our pediatrician and make a decision. We are so excited, but still cautioning ourselves because like I've mentioned before, things have looked fine to us in the past, but then to find an expert say that they are actually high risk within the parameters we have set forth for our family. But the thing about older children, the more they grow, the more doctors can see their trajectory.  So, we're optimistic.  Just waiting and trying to be patient.  It is good to keep busy.

We won't have a travel date, of course, until we officially accept the referral, but we are still checking fares.  We got word that should we accept the referral, the team in Bulgaria is filling up fast, so, I am hoping that we can travel before June (that seems so far away).

On a side note, my heart breaks for those children with severe needs.  There are not enough parents to adopt them.  My hearts breaks for these precious ones trapped in bodies that don't work right.  It causes me to think of Romans 8:

18For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Pray whoever reads my blog will find this Friday "good" as we remember what Christ did for us on the Cross; God Himself in human flesh died for our sins.  Would not our world be snuffed out if not for His grace?

International pediatrician reviewing our girls

Did I just say "ours." ???  I hope that was prophetic!  But as I mentioned before, I'm guarded until I get a green light from pediatrician, and then, a travel date. But I adore our doctors.  They love children, and adoption, and they are so compassionate.  I think it is good to be guarded but I can still dream!  We should hear back Wednesday, as in tomorrow, but I'm guessing.

Our agency emailed and said that should we accept, to shoot for a travel date in May, since they celebrate Easter on the Orthodox calendar in 2nd half of April.  That seems so far away.

Just wanted to update for the 3 people who are viewing my blog.

Speaking of blogs... my hubby has started a blog.  He's writing devotionals on the Passion Week of Christ.

www.psalm65-4.blogspot.com.    May Christ and what He did on the Cross be real to you.

Referral Time!

We got a call today, that the Ministry of Justice has matched us up with 2 precious little girls, ages 7 and 5.  We are very excited but from our recent experience, we have been trained to be sober about this, but nevertheless, all this is sinking in.  But we don't see any problems at this point..  They look very healthy and by all reports they are.

We have contacted our international pediatrician and hope to hear back soon.  Once we talk to them and have any of their concerns cleared up we hope to visit as soon as possible.

We just might be a 3-kid family this year!

If You Were Mine

Is this the perfect song describing the heart of adoption?

May 15: Anton's "Gotcha Day"

We've had our little Anton for 6 years now.

I remember that day so well.  We were so excited.  We just got back to Cheboksary from our 10 day stay in Samara, where we stayed with some new friends who went to the same seminary as Chris.  We had really enjoyed ourselves during this time.  (Russia requires a 10 day wait after the judge grants the adoption on the 2nd trip.  Many folks opt to go back home and make a 3rd trip.  We stayed.  Oh, on that court day 10 days prior to "gotcha day" when judge granted our petiion, it was Mother's Day in the States because it was still Sunday.  In Russia, that Monday, it was "Family Day.")

We went to pick him up from the Baby House, as they call it ("orphanages" were considered the house where the children go after they turn 3 years old).  They took just me to where Anton was at that time, (while Chris waited towards the front of the House), to the potty room where most of his class of 13 kids were sitting on plastic potties on the floor, waiting...  (no reading material).  They were all a different make and model of potty and you reckon they were donated.  But that doesn't matter.  All the women had on white nurse coats.  The lady motioned to me, ordering me, to put on a white jacket (now).  There was just one and it was probably an extra small size.  I'm a ladies "large" in a jacket.  (I have these football broad shoulders that I'm a little self-conscious about, I've always wanted to be petite, but that is the least of my worries at this point.)  And I'm REALLY nervous.  Is he going to like me?  But most of all, I feel so incompetent as a mom!

Anton was one of the few who was washed up and sitting in the little lunch room.  They had made some soup with meatballs.  The nurses ordered me to feed him.  Yikes.  I've never been good at getting fussy kids to eat, the few times I've tried.  He didn't want to eat his soup.  They ordered me to do encourage him to eat.  Well, he doesn't want to eat, how do I make him eat, I thought.  Do I do the airplane thing?  Do I talk nice?  Do I use a stern voice?  (and I can hardly move in this jacket.)  I had no effect on him.  They were able to get him to take a sip.  Oh, no he doesn't respect me already.  These ladies don't respect me.  I'm such an idiot.

Then after a few sips, they motioned for me to hand over the clothes I brought.  So, we went to another room to dress him, to a small narrow locker room.  Anton had his own locker with a few clothes assigned to him.  They wanted the clothes he was wearing.  I gave them my bag what I had for him.  It contaned a disposbale diaper with cars on it.  They adored it for the technology, and it had cars on it!  And the tee shirt had these old fashioned race cars on it.  Like, how did I know he like cars so much?  Their countenance was changed and not so stern.  I don't know if they were just acting to encourage Anton that this was divine providence.  And of course, it was.  But it encouraged me that I had done something right.

We left the orphanage with him in my arms.  He was not scared.  He did not cry.  We got in the car and I still held him.  Child safety seats were not required and few people had them.  I would have liked that, of course, being the new cautious mother I was, but I was glad to hold him and trust that God would take care of us on the crazy ride back to the apartment we were staying in.

As soon as we got to the apartment.  He looked at the building and started crying.  I think he may have thought he was going to a doctor, or something.  We quickly comforted him and he stopped immediately, and that was it.  He did not mourn in an obvious way to us being away from his friends and caregivers, although I'm sure he missed them.

When we got to the apartment, I wasn't sure what to do.  I had already asked the host family previously what did most families do when they brought their children there for the first time.  Most of them had other children and handled it with confidence (this was my first).  They said I should give him a bath and check him out to see if everything is visibly OK.  I thought that would be awkward to ask him to strip down as soon as we got him.  Looking back, this is so funny.  So, we gave him a quick bath.  I think that went OK.  Everything looked normal, and no skin infections.  He was just really skinny!  But he looked reasonably healthy considering.  Then we tried to get him to eat.

Oh, the night before I had made a fruit salad with yogurt.  I was able to find some fresh fruit at one of the stores.  Most families didn't buy a variety of fruits as we do here in the states.  The hostess family cautioned me against this because in Russia, they don't feed children fresh fruit.  They believe it is bad for the children's digestion.  She felt confident sharing with me her concerns since I had expressed previously a willingness to be coached.  Well, this is where I felt I was right, that he was missing out on a lot of vitamins and minerals from fresh fruit.  But she was also right, in that he got diarrhea.  I still felt it was a good thing, it was just that one time and he has no allergies to fruit (must have just been that it was new food to him).

That night he slept with us and everything went pretty well.  The next day he challenged me on bedtime and ran around having a blast, showing me in an impish way that he wasn't going to bed, and to catch him if I could.  I played the game for a while.  But I wanted to assert our loving authority position.  And it was bedtime.  "Spot" I said, that means "lay down."  No, no, no.  Well, without going into further explanation, I won, and he was hugging me in the end, ready to go to bed.  He felt secure that someone cared for him, and to know what is best for him.  I think this episode helped in our immediate "bonding and attachment."  During the whole trip in Russia, there was a trust in us, that we could take care of him and guide him.

The biggest problem we had after that was putting him down.  He clung to me like a Koala Bear and I didn't want to let him down.  This was an issue for the first year, but a good issue.  :O)

We really don't do much for "gotcha day."  Whenever we discuss with Anton that he is from Russia, he doesn't take an interest in that he came from a different place.  Maybe that will change later.  We talk about our love for Russia, and our interest in his home country with interest, as we truly love Russia.  Before we left, I bought him a matryoshka (stacking doll) that was painted in a distinctly Chuvasian style (the region of Russia where he is from).  But he has never held a fascination for it.  The other day, he was cleaning his room and took out the doll and said that it belongs with a collection of items I have from museums that I keep on a bookshelf.   I reminded him again, "this is from where we got you."  No interest.  He doesn't ask questions about his birth mother.  He doesn't want to know.  And that's fine with us.  I imagine he'll be more inquisitive later and that may be around the time we can take Russian language lessons together.

Thoughts of our Country on this National Day of Prayer

When we were in Russia at the airport, ready to take Anton to his new country, it was quite an emotional time and perhaps that was a turning point for having now a greater appreciation for our country.  We have a lot to be thankful for.  And a lot to pray about.  In summary, that God would allow us to be a blessing to others in the world, through missions, humanitarian aid, adoption, opportunity through industry (capitalism), and freedom (that costs the ultimate price), to be found pleasing to Him. 

Here's the story that I love to tell (and probably wrote about some of these things in earlier post).  The Russians in the airport wanted to comfort my little 2 1/2 year old, clinging to me tightly (bonding wonderfully), that he is going to another land, but it will be good.  He was going to be an "Americansky."  Perhaps these nationals working in the airport were more appreciative of other countries, being in a travel industry.  But, Russians are very patriotic, as a people.  They respect their own country with all its flaws.  They really respect it when they see us appreciate our country; that's our duty.  Many there love Americans.  We were allies once and in many ways still are.  Respect and love for country is something that they're taught and maybe it is something we have lost, because, as you know, speaking our minds and criticizing our country is one of freedoms and hobbies (that I indulge in) as part of the First Amendment.  They don't speak so freely, and that is part of the problem with Russia, but also convicting to see their respect, according to Romans 13.   

Getting back to the story, as we walked our way to through the lines toward the airplane, as the nationals learned that we were adopting our little Anton, they would speak to Anton in Russian.  (And I can't talk or type about this without getting teary eyed.)  They told him he was going to a wonderful country.  And they were sincere; you could see it in their eyes.  Some of them were almost envious of him (remember, that adopted children in Russia are a little persecuted.  Things are changing, but they are seen as "unwanted children" and because of that will never be "normal.")  And yet you can see in some of their eyes the joy for what awaited our little guy.  Many of them had tears in their eyes for him.  I was very emotional too, because I knew he was leaving his home country, and even though that was "good," I was experiencing a loss of some sort for him.   I never expected that.  I expected that we'd "high tail" it out of there and be happy about that.  I was happy, but it is hard to explain.  Perhaps it was just an important moment.  I hope someday to visit Russia with him.

I was so thankful that we were taking Anton to a land of opportunity, where he could get good medical care, education, eventually find out who he wanted to be when he grows up.  And of course, be loved by his family, who would share the gospel with him and he would not be alone in an institution any more.  What opportunities awaited to him!  God was bestowing His blessing on him.  Everyone could see it.  I thought I was being blessed finally getting a child (about time!).  And, and I was being blessed, but I realize how much God loves Anton, and how much we should be thankful for our country that was founded on Biblical principles.

We have a lot to pray for.  Most of all, prayer of thanks.  And prayer that God would revive us, as in the days of the Great Awakening.  Pray that "theology" would be important, because it is all about our relationship with our Creator.  The churches today are so poor in spirit, but busy, and extravagant...not truly "rich."  Doctrine was something people thought about more 200 years ago and prior.  That is why the Pilgrims came here because they wanted to worship our God freely. 

I hope that our country means something to you.  If you have forgotten, just look at my son.  What would his life be without the opportunities that have come to him by way of our country.  By way of our God. 

He loves America.  I think the workers in the orphanage trained him during the month before we picked him up (almost 6 years ago today, that would be May 15, 2006).   In the car, here in Texas, he would say excitedly (only days after we got him!),  "America flag!  America flag!"  I didn't teach him this.  I was convicted.  Yea, OK.  It's a flag.  You see them everywhere.  We're in America.  ...conviction, because I wasn't ready to teach him these things, but somebody already had (those orphanages aren't all bad).  That flag means a lot to Anton.  And now it means more to me too. 

I pray "thank you Lord for our great country that has afforded us freedom, safety, opportunity...to thrive, to worship, to learn, to grow, to love the Lord our God with all our heart soul, mind and strength." 

I have a heart for the world.  I would love to work in missions in Russia someday or other part of the world if the Lord wills.  But I'll always be thankful for this little experiment called America.  People say that her days are limited.  And we know in Scripture that all nations will oppose God one day, as they all will oppose Israel who will get a new heart from her God at that time.  We know this country won't be forever, and indeed, we see her slipping away before our very eyes.  We need a Savior, more than we need a good President. 

So, I pray for our country and the hearts of the people here. 

Great Call!

As per my previous post, we spoke to our international pediatrician this AM, with hubby, on a phone conference.  It was a great "call" to do this, as recommended by our social worker.  (We were wondering if that was a wise use of our money.)  And, it was a great phone call.  It was supposed to be 1 1/2 hours but we spoke for 2 hours!  It was exhausting toward the end and we really appreciate her attentiveness and thoroughness, and ability to ask any questions we had. 

I really thought the conversation would cause us to go more conservative with more "no"s on our new Special Needs form.  But it actually encouraged us more to put more "yes"es and "maybe"s.  And with the "maybe"s we will put an explanation so they understand what would induce us to say "yes" or "no" difinitively (since some of these conditions are not descriptive enough about severity, or cause...I'm sure there is a more "medical" way to put that, "pathology" might be the right word :O)   So, this is a better way to communicate our apprehensions so they'll know who we are. 

We were told originally to try to avoid "maybe" answers.  I can see why that is, because it is so vague.  But I think it better to say that "yes" answers will open us up to more possibilities and a "maybe" answer allows us opportunity to explain.  So, we're not staying away from "maybe"s as originally told. 

There are some deformities that are actually not indicative of a more serious syndrome, or progressive condition.  These conditions can be treated a lot of the times and the child can live incredibly productive lives (and isn't it amazing now sometimes a handicap can help one succeed more in other areas of life, although they may not make an Olympic team).   It was so helpful to get an idea of these.  And other conditions that I thought are pretty innocuous are actually indicative of something more serious. 

At first my thoughts were, "Why discuss, and pay for consultation on a multiple of hypotheticals we could adopt, can't we just say that we want a child who can live independently as adult eventually and trust that we'll be represented."  Why can't we just put that in a summary sentence?  But for the non-medically trained folks there, this list helps guide them. 

Ultimately, I feel really good about it because, pre-referral, we're opening up our possibilities to a child who was taken to the orphanage because they had some deformity, when actually the condition is minor.  It was probably ignorance, fear and/or inability to help the imperfect child that brought them to the orphanage.  What an opportunity!

I already felt comfortable that the doctor would help us after the referral, because we will still request overview of the child(ren) when we get our next referral. 

So, what dawned on me today, is, not how could I prevent ourselves from being emotionally drained from another referral that we have to decline, although that is true, but opening up our window a little broader.  And that is a great feeling to be able to find those children who might passed over by other adoptive parents because they had the same fear their biological parents had, and didn't understand that some of these things can be corrected with a simple surgery or prosthetic.  This has been the highlight and joy of my day today.  And that Chris and I are like-minded. 

Understanding can alleviate fears.  And there were so many conditions that scared us before, but we're not now. 

We asked if the country or agency frowns upon the adoptive parents if they have to decline, or make several declines.  She said that she feels if there is a good medical reason for the decline, that is absolutely fine.

So, now I need to come up with our final list that Chris and I will finalize tonight.  Busy day.  Hope to clean out the garage too.

Re-doing our Special Needs List

As I mentioned in my earlier post, Referral Blues, we received 2 referrals for 2 sets of siblings. In summary: the first sibling referral was never "official" even though we received paperwork and pictures (and we didn't understand that at the time) and we said "yes" enthusiastically and then while waiting for our travel date, it was officially taken away from us and our hearts were broken.   We then immediately received another referral (that was official) for another set of siblings and we began to bond with them through pictures and videos, but they were too high risk for us to accept and outside of the parameters.  One of them had an extreme small head size and the doctor was almost 100% certain he has mental retardation. The difficult thing is sometimes these children end up OK, but we have to go by what the doctor say and not by great stories we hear on the internet of those who proceeded anyways and the doctors were proved wrong.  I've been struggling with wondering...  but I'm also reminded to trust the guidance of my husband and just see these 2 as not the right choice for us.

I'm trying to be a "big girl" and accept this process with the heartaches as part of the mission we're on the rescue the right children God has for us. I've been communicating with others since my post who have had to decline and they have shared their experiences.

Our Social Worker says re-doing our Special Needs list will help. I think our older list communicated well enough. So, I'm not exactly sure what is wrong with our old list and how to do the new list.   On one hand, you don't want to be too strict with what we'll accept.  God's child for us could have some severe delays, or a deformity and could be just fine.  If we mark "no" on anything that could possibly be a sign of mental retardation or serious illness in order to prevent a high risk referral, we could shut the door on blessing a child we could certainly handle.  So, we long to be more than a piece of paper.   (And can you really expect a document to "work"?)  Another thing our social worker suggested was discussing the Special Needs list with an International Doctor. And we have made a phone appointment for that for 10:00 AM Monday.   I think we'll be glad we did and maybe I'll have more confidence in our list, and we can only hope that it communicates better for us.

But in this process, I'm learning, you should not be surprised if referrals are made outside the parameters given, because 1) there is a desire to move these children into homes and they may push some boundaries you have set, and 2) they're not medically trained and we shouldn't expect them to be.  So, the process is far from perfect.  But I am not perfect.  There is only One who is.

Adoption Update - Referral Blues!

We have had some activity with our Bulgarian adoption that I've been waiting to report, that has been both exciting and heart wrenching. I'm learning how different it is adopting from Bulgaria than Russia. I know God has the right child for us, it is getting there that has been a learning experience.

This is a long post because I'm covering a lot of activity.  I also want to say upfront, that even though there are questions, and heartahces, I believe that our agency is pulling for us, and the people that are working for them in Bulgaria, the MOJ (Ministry of Justice) as well.  But there are some lessons along the way, perhaps advice I can pass on to another family.  But there is so much "hope" and things to be thankful for and we know that God is sovereign in all these hiccups even though the ride isn't always fun.

We were called on Mon, Feb 20, that our file had been pulled! (Chris remembers the date because it was 6 years to the day that we got the first call about Anton.)  And Bulgaria wanted a letter from us stating that we are willing to adopt 2!   Well this was pretty exciting news.   Our number was up!  Then, shortly after we scanned and emailed our letter, we received that wonderful "congratulatory" phone call with an email.

We fell in love! these 2 precious ones. They had some medical issues but they mostly needed to thrive in a loving home and "grow." The eye contact they made in the pictures was amazing. They both had such loving and happy looks in their eyes. We ran the medical information by our local pediatrician who is so kind (he didn't even charge us). He cautioned us about their size and delays but we already expect that with orphanage adoption. I had all this done in record speed and by the next AM, our social worker had a "yes" in her email inbox.

The next step was travel date. If you understand adoption, nothing is guaranteed, of course, until the judge approves the adoption on the second trip, but getting a travel date is a huge milestone.   With the assurance that getting the travel date was the next step, I bought 2 little adorable photo albums from Amazon by Gund where you put their picture in the front...so cute.  (when we visited Anton in Russia for 1st time, I made his with the little craft abilities I have, and it wasn't necessarily less expensive and it fell apart before we could bring him home).  I also bought a new chair for a play table we have, before they discontinue the model), that goes with the set we already have (from Land of Nod...has storage bench underneath the table). I got a girly pattern since we were getting a girl. So, all this assurance, and I showed pictures of the precious 2 to my friends at church that I had on my cell phone.

Meanwhile, we get a check in the mail from 2 generous families at our church for $3000!! Since we still need to save or raise about $10,000, this was a huge gift and encouragement.

That next week, we get her dreaded call. "I have some bad news and some good news." Bad news first. We're not getting those precious 2. I was so deflated. Big sigh. The good news was we were matched with another set of siblings, both a boy and girl, but she didn't have any information other than they are not off the special needs list and just recently became available for international adoption.  My son and husband were having a more difficult time than I was in moving on, and again, had I understood the first match wasn't "official" I would have guarded my son in particular, who was looking forward to playing with the children more his age.

Next week, we get more information on these 2 precious ones. I see adorable pictures. The girl is almost 3 and the boy is almost 2. OK, I was hoping the boy would be closer to Anton's age. But that's OK. The medical is a little concerning. Reading about the boy gives me a panic attack because he is not thriving at all. I'm thinking, he's so young, do we really know what his future needs are?

This time, we decided to consult an International Adoption specialist in Minnesota.  The doctor clarified that his headsize is so small, that it most surely means (100%) he has mental retardation.  

Over the last few weeks, I felt the biggest pain for these children in orphanages who don't have families, and are so lonely. They don't know what it is like to wake up to hugs and playfulness, love. They have health issues that need tending as well. I just can't imagine. It was hard to feel sorry for myself and our referral disappointments.  I realized all this distraction has taken me away from my precious son, in our normal routine. I just wanted to be with him and be thankful for what we have. But feeling so guilty because to whom much is given, much is required. It is an overwhelming feeling to be exposed to suffering, and yet, the orphanages should be thought of as a blessing because it is God's provision for them at this time. And they don't understand what they're missing, so they don't feel the loss that we see. But still... you just know God's best and design for all of these children. And I wish we had the family structure to adopt a Special Needs child.  I know there would be tremendous blessing to be able to do that.  It would be ideal if I had some teenagers in the home or family nearby. As it is, it is Anton and me. Chris works long hours. It would be overwhelming. But I wish I could say "yes."

I read in our Bible how Jesus had to pull away from the crowds at times to focus on the twelve.  But he looked on the crowds with compassion, as sheep without a shepherd.  In a similar way, we can't neglect Anton and keep our eye on our mission, but we still have compassion on these 2 who need a special home.

I finally made contact yesterday with our social worker. I wanted to know mostly about timing for the next referral, as I'm starting to direct my thoughts toward planning (could we be traveling next month possibly), and would the medical information I received from my doctors here be passed on the appropriate people in Bulgaria to help him, perhaps make a difference. I was told that we cannot be assured that the MOJ will keep our file on top and it could take months to get another referral basically.   It is still hard to understand why the first 2 were taken away, and the second 2 were considered a better match, even though it is quite a stretch on our parameters we set forth, and Anton would have loved playing with a boy more his age...    These questions will not be answered and I think this is part of the process I have to accept.   

I have learned of a wonderful group email list for Bulgaria, that it is common for families to get referrals that don't match the parameters set forth in the homestudy and special needs list. And also for there to be inaccuracies in the information (in our case, the video and pictures match the medical report).  With Russia, I really felt that there were folks who were getting to know us, and more guarded about making a match that would be painfully declined. With Bulgaria, I'm finding that there are a lot of heart wrenching stories, and it is best to prepare yourself, and don't take that "congratulations" introduction to the referral to heart. Be sober. There is also an emptiness...are we "real" to anyone involved in the decision making process? or am I a piece of paper, listing parameters.  I so long for a friend(s) who can understand, empathize, and can give me good counsel and have reached out to this great email group list (on yahoo).   

Even with the heartaches...also know that in reality, that there are folks who are pulling for us.  Even though the system has flaws, I'm just so thankful there is an avenue that we can help these precious children and the resources are more available for us.  So thankful to our Lord who provides these things, and His love to help these precious children who are made in His image. 

I appreciate your prayers for these children, our journey, and God's direction.

What I've learned from Orphanage Adoption, a personal experience in God's Providence

Many of you know, we adopted our Anton in 2005, from Russian orphanage.  He was only 2 1/2 years old.   He is now 7 1/2.   He has been such a huge blessing in our lives, and many of you too, that have come to know him.  (Current update:  we are planning to adopt again from Bulgaria!, will give details at end of this post.)

This picture below is from the Baby House in Russia, about 200 miles east of Moscow.

I hope the lessons I learned would encourage you dear reader to trust the Lord and His providence, and not in ourselves.  It was all Him from beginning to end, and He directed our steps, worked in the background to make things happen all while we weren't fully aware what He would be doing in our lives, and how He would change us.  I know many of my Christian friends have parallel experiences like this in other areas. 

Here is our story.  We were open to children the day we married.  After a few years, we sought medical advice.  We did so many things medically, short of in vitro, as we weren't comfortable with that.    We spent a lot of money.  We were always open to the Lord's answer.  We never felt that because we were in control because we sought medical help.  Pursuing chidren was something we felt God was pleased with.

We were always open to adoption but the cost of that route caused us to keep pursuing infertility treatments, as our doctor was encouraging about our chances. We finally just got burned out.  Then, we decided to give up on that and put all our efforts and finances towards adoption. (In hindsight, it was doubly expensive to get our first child, considering medical expenses.)

We visited Catholic Charities.  They told us that we needed to put together a scrapbook of ourselves, and they could not guarantee what the wait would be or even if we'd be picked by a birthmother.  The socialworker said it would cost about $20K.   Also, once we had the baby, the adoption wouldn't be final until a year after we had the child.  During that interval, the birth mother could change her mind and take the baby back. 

She mentioned that there are children with medical needs we could adopt more quickly.  For our first parenting experience we just wanted a normal baby as much as possible realizing that any child could appear to be fine and have unseen issues.   Chris was a pastor at the time, and it seemed like it would be exhausting to care for extensive health issues of a child as the work of the ministry in our church was demanding.   For this reason, we also were reluctant to pursue foster parenting; we actually began the process for that in California but Chris wasn't a pastor then. 

So, being that the cost of in-country adoption was similar to cost of international adoption (it is usually more due travel and immigration costs), we decided to go international.  Some of the advantages of international adoption are the adoption is complete when the child arrives in the USA.  There is no chance of the birth parents coming to USA and reclaiming their child.  There are negatives of course.  But we enjoy meeting people from different cultures and as far as health concerns of the children, we're in it for keeps.  The choice seemed to be a "no-brainer," for international adoption although still a step a faith.

We liked the idea of rescuing an orphan but it seemed to make the most sense on how to get a child, in light of all we had been through.  But our decision to adopt internationally was a practical one, with the romantic notion of going to Russia!  I've always been fascinated by Russia and had grown a heart for the country from relationships developed at our former church.

Meanwhile, Chris went through some difficult times in his ministry as a pastor, not uncommon to what many men face in the ministry.  But some unfair things happened and it really drew us to the Lord.  I'll never trade those experiences for how much it grew me in my faith.  But it was still a time when I wondered what God had for us but we just sought to be faithful no matter what.  Chris started a church plant at the request of some dear folks.  Things seemed to be going great until one day, a few individuals became discontent, and publicly accused Chris of not trusting the Lord because we wanted to adopt a child.  Yes, you read that right.  Two men who were quite young in the faith and generally not thought of as mature believers.  Even though this is the type of attack that doesn't hurt because we were proud we wanted to adopt, nevertheless, it was the beginning of the splitting of our already split up fellowship.  And I just asked again, "What do you have for me, Lord?  I want to be your servant but what do we do next?" 
 
It was the next day after this public attack, a Monday, we received a very interesting phone call from Gladney!  They had this little boy, named Anton.  She sent me an email and I without a picture and limited information, we knew this was our little boy.  There was some medical information and a description of what he could do developmentally.  I was ecstatic.  My mother was living with me at the time, and we just cried together as we read how he can roll the ball and say 50 words.

We moved quickly on this adoption.  It was an incredible amount of rushing around, paperwork, crazy money we had to find.  During the 1st trip, news came to our facilitator that the laws were changing in Russia and it might cause a huge delay in bringing back Anton, and so we had to act quickly.  Her eyes were bloodshot when she told us this.  She said she couldn't stress how quickly we must move.  (Well, we had a 1 day layover in London I wish we hadn't planned on.)  We saw God's hand working in marvelous ways, providentially 1) showing us that we indeed needed to hurry as fast as humanly possible, and 2) helping us get all the paperwork done at record-breaking speed (not an exaggeration as we were told they never seen things come together so quickly). 

I could say so much about our trip to Russia and the friends we made.  But I'd like to highlight one change in my heart that occurred.  As I've explained, I was filled with such awe of how God loved me in bringing this adoption to fruition, and had plans for me (after all the pain!) in this incredible adventure and blessing in Russia.  Two dreams were being fulfilled:  a missionary trip to Russia in some ways (handed out MacArthur study bibles in Russian), and a child I could raise.  What a better way to evangelize than to parent?   Tears filled my eyes often as they do now.  However, as I saw the response and tears of happiness in the eyes of the Russian nationals for Anton, I began to realize a greater blessing was being a blessing, and how God was going to work in Anton's life.  I have to confess I felt incredibly ashamed at how self centered I was and I had the focus on myself.  And as I looked at the Baby House, many of these children would remain in the orphanage institutions, they would move on from the Baby House after they turn 3.  They would not getting a mamma and a pappa, yet, God was blessing Anton.

I imagine parents of natural children go through a similar revelation.  They are excited about being a parent, and the pregnancy, and how cute they look pregnant, and the clothes, then they realize it is not about them but the little child they raise, to correct, to present to Jesus, all by His enabling.  It is a lot of work but the joy is being used as His servant.

With these precious lessons under our belt, and our experiences and blessings with raising Anton, and loving this precious child from a lonely background...with our next adoption, we have our eyes fixed on rescuing; it is quite different than our first motivation!    Foreign adoption is a ridiculously joyful experience.  You don't understand it until you do it.  If you want to have the best time of your life, and invest wisely, adopt from an orphanage.  Adopt a special needs child if you are so gifted, I imagine that would be the greatest blessing still.   

I feel that Anton in a way has adopted us also.  Many of you who know us, know that I come from a broken home.  I really have a hard time seeing families with grandparents for their children, and lots of cousins running around, and love (even in the midst of differences).  We are thankful to be little tiny plant growing beside the waters, as we are.    

We realize we're a little crazy to have done that and want to do it again.  We took out a 2nd mortgage on our home to afford the first one and still paying for it (almost paid up on our 1st!!)  We make no apologies.  We are embarking on this second adoption in faith also, sans the use of credit.  Please pray for finances and God's provision.  We believe we have a lot to share in the Lord for this new child.   

I highly recommend Orphanage adoption because there are so many orphans in Eastern Europe and other places that will not have a chance to have a normal life.  At least here, orphans can receive education stipends and medical benefits.  A child can still make a good life here in the states, even though of course they need a mamma and pappa.  There is very little or no stigma in being an orphan here. Not so in other countries.  Do we realize what a great country this is?  I believe it is the influence of the Bible, and Christians, that even change the attitudes of non-Christians.  You appreciate America when visit other countries, particularly when you see how other countries view their orphans.  Don't get me wrong, Russia loves their children and the workers are very caring, but the mentality of the people to support these children into a normal life as potentially almost indistinguishable from a non-orphan is not there.  They are viewed as "throw away" children, by and large.  I hear those attitudes are changing, thankfully.

Regarding our homestudy and philosophy of discipline:  Ironically, Russia is more understanding about Biblical forms of discipline than in USA, according to our experience.  We were never asked to lie about that to the judge and we were honest on our homestudy. But we were quite nervous about being denied by the judge based on our truthful answers.  I think they respected our understanding of the parent role.

Why foreign adoption?  People want to know why we would want to adopt when there are so many children here in USA to adopt?   Of course my motives are different now with this second adoption than they were with the first.  And some people ask honestly out of curiosity, and some people ask pointedly, almost as if we are reproached, with some explaining to do for not caring about our home country's children.  (I try to be patient with this latter group, even when asked twice, because we ourselves didn't understand the beauty of Orphanage Adoption.)   And there are folks who think we (or they themselves) shouldn't adopt unless they can pay for all of it themselves.  And there are folks who tell you how you can get a child for less money, not understanding our draw to orphanage adoption.  And we understand that God can change our course, of course :O)   Our hearts are this: we're not necessarily looking for the best financial deal (though money is an object) because our goal isn't just to get a sibling for Anton, realizing we must live in reality of financial constraints.  Just as some folks have a longing for certain country in regards to missions, or role to serve in at their local church, so we feel called to Orphanage Adoption.  Having said all that, perhaps long-windedly, we're open to hearing about an unwed mother who is thinking of giving her child up, what have you.  How could we not stop and consider what opportunities are presented to us?  I'd need another hand to count how many times we've heard about a birth mother considering giving up her baby.  We realize we could set out on one path, and yet the Lord could change things, however we are quite along in the process with Bulgaria, it looks more and more like the path was meant to be. 

We're so excited about it.   And since this child will be older than Anton was when we adopted him, we know there will be both more trials and more blessings.  It seems the blessings move in proportion with the challenges.  She (or he) may take longer to trust us from their past rejection experiences, but when she (or he) does... it will be remarkable.  And they will have more understanding of what blessings they have.

Why Bulgaria?  We are choosing Bulgaria simply because it was recommended by our agency, Gladney.  We really wanted to go back to Russia.  However, Bulgaria seems to be less risky.  At times, Russia changes their policy on foreign adoption and Bulgaria has a more centralized operation that they are working diligently on improving. 

So, we covet your prayers that God would provide the additional $10K, that we would be faithful with our finances and keep stashing away funds and that churches might support us.   We plan on adopting a girl.  She will be around 3 to 7 years of age, I know that is a big range, but we're open to a child in our homestudy up to 7.  They don't want to place a child that would be older than present children in family, to maintain a birth order.   He or she (it could be a boy, but we put we preferred a girl), is probably born now, so we can pray that he/she will come to know our Savior.  He or she may also have special needs.  The Ministry of Justice has accepted our paperwork as of October, 2010.  This is a huge milestone and the end of huge paperwork ordeal.  We think we could get a child referral next year, but the wait is impossible to predict.  We have to renew our immigration approval yearly, and fingerprints.  The longer it takes, the more money you spend just to keep your paperwork updated.  But we know it will be nothing in light of the blessing.

Thank you for reading and especially for praying!